Jasper pushing a new edge

Posted: December 3, 2008 in Uncategorized

I just recovered this shot. I struggled with these leggings for weeks until I found how I liked them (with leg warmers). Leggings with nothing else is really exposed, unless you are taping, which I have never tried.

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The dissonance was too strong. I was dressing in skinny jeans and boybeaters. A. liked this look. She likes males and butch dykes. But, in the broader community I was still in the closet. I could “pass” for a queer boy in the straight community. The queer girls that I wanted to hang out with and flirt with did not know what to make of me. I have met many dykes who are into trans girls, but even as I took the first steps of identifying as a t-girl, I could not really “pass” as a t-girl because I was trying to pass as a boy. Slowly, slowly, I have started tending towards drag. Two steps forward, one step backwards, and then hang out for a while.
The irony is that these steps towards the feminine, have caused A. to be less attracted to me. She is turned-on by girls who look like boys. When I express my femme heart, and dress like a girl, she does not want to have sex with me. I think that queer girls might be thinking ‘well of course, she likes butches what did you expect?’ For me it is an unexpected plot twist. The woman who does so much to make me feel like a girl, does not want to be with a girl.
The first time we broke up, A. talked to her friend and said ‘if Jasper is really a lesbian he will be back.’ Apparently, a stereotypical lesbian breakup takes months of back and forth. She was right, I came back, and we have been breaking up ever since.

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