Jasper’s Belly

Posted: December 3, 2008 in Uncategorized

Here I am playing with the belly shirt. I have grown to like the way my belly is hanging out here.

I have been playing with the feminine edge in my outfits. Ever since I started this journey there has been a tension between expressing my femininity for myself versus dressing for others. My first queer girlfriend is a total sweetie. A. is attracted to male bodies but misses the emotional depth of girl/girl interaction. It seemed like a perfect match. She got to play with a male body. I got to be a girl. For the first time I did not have to prove my femininity.
‘You are a total girl.’ I would hear this about the way I made love, the way I brought out the u-haul on the second date and many other things. I loved hearing it. I felt seen and validated. Having a space where I could be me was fantastic, a place where I did not have to pass tests.
But, the dissonance between my boy world and girl world became more intense. In that period I was in bliss when I was with A. and scared and alone when I was not. For a week in October, I cried every morning. Something which I had not really surrendered to since I started my original gender transition from child to male.

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