Sex Tips for Tranny Dykes: part I

Posted: December 8, 2008 in Uncategorized

Here I am in front of Cafe Gratitude. This look is ‘femme drag.’ Switching out the hat and scarf makes a huge difference. Wearing this look around town was a stretch, but the reaction had been very positive and supportive.

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As my femme identity came to the surface I started to feel deeply conflicted about standard straight sex. My lesbian lovers are helping me explore alternatives. In general (of course, not always), standard sex:
1) Is way too focussed on male ejaculation. Sex = intercourse = ejaculation. This is a deadening script. But somehow it comes to dominate straight sex. The word foreplay already indicates what the main show is. When I had the guy role, I had to ejaculate, if it did not happen my partners expressed feelings of inadequacy. Sex without ejaculation was a failure.
2) Ejaculation marks an abrupt end. When I ejaculate I feel drained and non-sexual. It is not a nice ending. Without ejaculation sex can go on for a whole day with rising an falling intensities. Our play winds down on its own rhythm. There is a continuity and flow that I missed in standard PIV (penis in vagina) sex.
3) Orgasm and ejaculation are not necessarily equivalent. I am unimpressed by male ejaculation. Society equates it with the female orgasm. I have been exploring the full-body orgasm, and wonder if this is not the actual male equivalent to orgasm. If my lover treats my penis as a clit to be stimulated rather than a shaft for thrusting, and treats my body as an erogenous zone to be played like a musical instrument, she can bring on the waves of intensity and ecstasy that (borrowing a word from neo-tantra) I call full-body orgasm.
4) My male role was disembodied. This is a continuation of the last point. Outside of of kink, I feel like I was always expected to be the butch. The butch touches and is not touched. The femme role receives touch and transmutes it into sound and movement. It is a beautiful dance of caressing and moaning, of kissing and writhing. Before i did not get to do the moaning and writhing. I hardly made a noise during sex except in the build up to ejaculation. As femme I feel empowered to express my ecstasy and desire, to luxuriate in sensation and to be made love to, and to be fucked.
Men are touched during hand jobs and blow jobs, but I feel that the agenda of the touch is orgasm. Think of the connotations of the work ‘job.’
Interestingly, being ‘girly’ in bed also gives my lover the feedback so that she can make me feel that way. Is there room in straight sex for a guy to be girly and femme?

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Comments
  1. VS says:

    Off course, thelilstar, my girlfriend seem to think so, and I agree with you. Though a penetrative/ejaculation instinct is completly natural too since this is what drives reproduction.
    Your comment on “foreplay” is right, it is a misnomer, and misleads people into thinking it is only preparatory.
    Thanks for your words, they are good to my eyes.
    VS

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