Gendered Dancing : Part III

Posted: December 22, 2008 in Uncategorized

I had been to Bondage-a-Go-Go (BaGG) before as a man. Those earlier experiences were awkwardly patterned by gender. The good dancers were usually girls dancing in pairs or groups. I danced on my own. People left me alone and I could dress how I wanted to. The drunk, male, predatory energy that fucks so many clubs up was absent.
Last week, my new friend C. took me out to BaGG again, only this time I went in high femme drag. It was an edge because wigs make me uncomfortable and I was wearing a cocktail dress for the first time ever. C. was taller than me in her boots and I thought we looked like two sexy bitches together.
I felt awkward, and I was afraid of rejection, but I took the leap and went on the dancefloor alone without C. to hide behind. At first the other dancers just left me alone like usual. A group of five or six femmy girls moved towards me. I expected one of the girls to disengage from the group and start to engage me. Instead something new and wonderful happened. They were dancing in a circle facing each other with their backs forming a wall. Two of them moved aside and opened up a space for me to dance with the group.I joined the group and felt a heavy weight melt away. They told me they liked my scarf and that I looked cute. I told them they looked great at that they were were “so sweet” and we bonded. They accepted me as one of the girls. I was so happy as I danced with them inside the walls of the group. In a sense all I ever wanted was to be accepted by the other girls, to not be treated like a guy. This was the first time I ever truly felt accepted by the girls on the dancefloor. It was one of my sweetest moments since I came out as a girl. I loved them all and felt that they had my back. After a while, they decided to go to the girl’s room. One of them put her hand on my back and and said “we are going to pee, do you want to come pee.” That was so endearing, they had just invited me to hang out in the girls room with them. It symbolized for me the trust and acceptance of my girl-ness. Sometimes life is very sweet.

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