BaGG Experiences

Posted: March 13, 2009 in Autogynephilia 2009

March 12 2009
Last night I had a very confusing night at Bondage AGo Go. I went before in drag but this time I was pushing the limits. I was definitely going in Male Slut Gender. I was feeling lonely after the end of my Relationship With Anka. I do not miss sex. I miss touch and intimacy.
I was dressing at my sluttiest, a pleasure I did not experience in Man Identity. Partly it’s my own desire for confirmation and partly it is Gender Activism I am reclaiming Being Desired.
I had some new experiences, being a male slut in a semi-liberated straight space.

  1. A lot of girls invited me into their dances. I think they were prepared to use girl-girl scripts for their interactions. I keep being surprised by this because I am not so invested in a Woman Identity anymore. My gender presentation is affecting interaction with me even though I have forgotten about it. They were willing to see my presentation of (male) sexuality as non-threatening.
  2. A scary guy tried to pick me up, He was a bundle of anxiety. I think when men are turned on by Male Femininity they are turned on by the thought of their own femininity. Some repressed part of the self wants to become feminine, to experience the prohibited.
  3. I had the experience of being talked about. One of the security guys said that I was “a nice piece of ass.” He said it just as I was passing so that I could hear it, but it was literally addressed to my ass and not my face. It was a dialogue he was having with my body not with me.
  4. I got an unintended compliment. I was talking to one of the lovely Queer Youth girls. She did not believe in gender and just identified as queer and as a girl, but not as a lesbian. Post Gay Identities are springing up in the twentysomething queers. But I digress, I was talking to my queer friend when I heard “Come on, she can do better than that. A guy in tights and in a… In a… codpiece.” I looked over to see a average looking sexed up girl. I said “Why are you dissing me.” She said “You are embarrassing. If I were you I would want to shrivel up and die from embarrassment. You look ridiculous.” I am not sure what I said, it got heated. What I remember clearly was her bizarre final retort. She was tongue tied for a moment and blurted out “at least I don’t have a…, a… perm, and… and… No tits.” She stalked away, clearly thinking she had won the argument. I told someone that it felt strangely validating. She was fighting me in teenage girl fashion, saying that I should feel shame, that she didn’t like my hair and that my tits were too small. In some strange way I feel like I have been through an initiation into newly gendered practices.
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  1. Brody says:

    BaGG is a weird space. It has always had the teenaged-girl-and-creepy-man vibe to me, to the point where I’ll rarely go, even if I don’t have to work the next day. None of the interactions you mention are at all surprising to me, considering where you were.

    A friend of mine tends to go as “male crossdressing slut” when he goes there, he totally camps it up in trashy wigs and makeup and provocative girlclothes…I think an edge of humour about the whole thing (why take ANYTHING seriously!) really helps. Well, and going with a girl. It’s interesting that even if a male is dressed as a woman (but not trying to “pass”), it’s still way more of an “in” to have a female companion with you.

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