Last time I wrote with the realization that I was beginning a zigzag back into Becoming-Femme. My gender transitions have been a dialectal journey between the poles of the Masculine Closet and a Femme Visibility. In true dialectical fashion I learn more and integrate more with each swing.
This new iteration of my Public Persona, today's Jasper has interesting properties.
- My outfit is composed of black skinny jeans and a woman's black velvet jacket. Any vintage store will have a couple of this blazer style, I got mine for 5 dollars.
- My t-shirt gives a flash of color with the dour blacks.
- All of these items are feminized cuts and colors, which are based upon originally male clothing.
- These items provide an interesting and subtle field in which to practice Coming Out of The Closet.
- In the sixties French designers (YSL) created these outfits for females who were experimenting with Masculine Publicity.
My gender transgressions all happen in close proximity to my face, which means they are only noticed by the observant and the fashion literate.
- I have long curly hair. The taboo on long male hair was broken in the sixties. But it can add to an overall transgression.
- I condition my hair, which strangely feminizes my long hair. I guess Males can have long as long hair as they do not take good care of it. Jewfro's, dreadlocks and greasy ponytails are genderless, but long curly locks have power.
- I have subtle black eyeliner on. Eyeliner functions as a hypnotic agent. It creates the illusion of oversized pupils and eyes. It draws you into eye contact, but it can be subtle.
- Sometimes I play with necklines too, especially with a jacket.
- Dangly blue earrings. These are an interesting mix of Masculine and Femme.
Colored Earrings are definitely Femme, But blue is a genderless color. Dangly Earrings are still proscribed in Public Male Genders. They awaken rage and hate in the gender repressed, while seeming to hypnotize Women who desire Male Femininity.
Sometimes they evoke a fetish reaction. I find it flattering, but also a little weird. Yesterday a woman was interacting with me, her eyes will kind of glazed over and her jaw goes just a little slack. I felt her focus go internal as well. With women it is subtle and it gives me a thrill, but I have also had men just stare at my stocking-covered thighs while talking to me. Their lack of awareness was stunning.
This is a familiar refrain for women who have men talking to their cleavage, but Public Male Roles are "designed" in such a way that they never experience being a "Public Object of Desire". Before I first experienced being sexually harassed by the Masculine Identified I had no point of reference to understand how powerless it can make you feel, or paradoxically how exhilarating it can feel to be "Publicly Desired" when you feel in control.
Society institutionally separate the lifeworlds of Male and Female genders, by raising females with the experience of their bodies as public and vulnerable while male bodies grow up armored behind walls of fabric or gym induced muscles. This produces two genders, the Public gender and the Private gender, the embodied-emotional gender and the abstract-reason gender, object and subject. These form mutually exclusive gendered points of view. This is the rational for saying that men cannot be feminists, because they miss the social experience of being a "Public Object"
Happily though, experience is not immutable. Publicly Bending Gender on the street was a Copernican Revolution for my lifeworld and my understanding of the feminist Point Of View (POV). I contend that it does not take a lifetime of sexual harassment on the street and creepy older men to understand the "Woman POV". The reality of harassment, and feeling unsafe in Public is so disorienting that it completely destabilizes a "Man POV".
As more and more Feminine Males Come Out of the Closet and experience a "Femme POV" while retaining the label Male, this will hopefully destabilize the Regime of Gender, and achieve some of the non-identitarian feminist, genderqueer and post-feminist goals