Archive for the ‘Autogynephilia 2008’ Category

Identity Liberationist

Posted: February 9, 2010 in Autogynephilia 2008

Femme Boy in Tight Black Skinny Jeans

I have been getting a lot of mileage out of my black skinny jeans and black velvet jacket.
Hot Pink and Black are my colors at the moment.
Regarding makeup I settle on a black pencil eyliner.
My hair is long enough to play with now whick is a daunting but fun task. I have been doing my hair in a ponytail for the first time in my life. While I was at Harbin Hotsprings last week I got my hair braided by other girls. It is kind of a feeling of primates grooming each other.
Neither I nor the boys I grew up with ever got to exprerience these genderered activities. In a sense boy culture cuts the Male-Born off from a primal sociality.

February 9 2010
Hardt & Negri point out Identity Politics have the choice of retrenchment in Identity Nationalism or can push for liberation from Identity. The classic case of retrenchment is Black Nationalism, but it is clear that the Lesbian Nationalism of San Francisco 2010 belongs in this category. Even the term Queer is being mutated into a form of LGBT nationalism. The term Transgender was originally a cry for liberation from gender but has become appropriated as a vehicle for Trans-centric Identity Nationalism. San Francisco Transgender is splitting into the retrenched ‘Trans’ Category and into an Anti-Gender Genderqueer Category.
For me unboxed ‘Femme’ is still a liberatory category.


Little Buddha Baby

Posted: January 24, 2010 in Autogynephilia 2008

Jan 24 2010
Happy Sunday morning sweeties,
Take a look at this while you drink your morning coffee. I find this document of a young being, fascinating. “More”.
Anya is just learning to interact. She learned to point about a month ago. She points and things are brought to her. It is a measure of her interest. It means “More! This is Interesting.” When she sees herself in videos she shows a level of enrapture and focus that I never have. Her constant pointing is kind of like saying “WTF!, OMG! This is so utterly fantastically cool. ”
In one Zen Buddhist Narrative, babies are enlightened beings who have not yet unlearned enlightenment.
I see that quality in Anya’s rapt attention, like a pool without ripples.

Jasper at the Coffee Bar for more blog posts on gender and fashion.

December 11, 2008

I love the color play in this outfit.
Auburn hat : thrifted
teal scarf: thrifted
hot pink fleece : Old Navy
lavender hotpants : American Apparel
purple tights : Forever 21
plum leg warmers : H & M
Gender transition is a confusing process for me. I have long periods of movement towards femme. Then suddenly I find myself in a period of retrenchment. I am at war with myself. I have been going to parties in femme or high femme and I have felt completely accepted, more accepted than I ever felt in butch. I feel euphoria. Then the next morning I wake up and face the prospect of going out in the world and I get deeply depressed.
I desperately want to go out in high femme. I want to express myself. I want the people I interact with to know that I am a girl, yet the prospect fills me with anxiety and despair.
For the past three days I have found myself in front of the mirror waffling between femme and butch. Femme does not feel safe when I am vulnerable, but dressing butch feels like a self betrayal. The discrepancy between the euphoria of being high femme in safe spaces and dressing more butch in daily life is too great. Paradoxically, when I break though a new barrier of self-expression and feel greater acceptance of femininity, it is followed by deeper despair, because I want to be femme all of the time. Going back and forth is heart wrenching.
In the past, the solution has been to push through, to embrace femme and to come out more fully. But, it is hard to always bring up the strength, to take pride in my gender otherness. It is like swimming upstream. If I relax and stop struggling I am swept back into boyness. I get so tired sometimes.


Pan-Femme Manifesto

Posted: January 21, 2010 in Autogynephilia 2008

Male-Born Femme and Queer Fat Femme can together push a Femme Cultural Revolution. Femme is a form of resistance to our dehumanizing late-modern Culture.
For Mabs (Male At Birth), a Femme gender offers us an alternative to the narrative of “Real Woman” which is so prevalent in contemporary transgender politics. We do not have to make biological claims to Femaleness, because Femme is acknowledged as artifice and performance. The performance of Femme however opens up to feminine cultural embodiment. We are treated as feminine and become feminine.
Queer girls have been pioneering this gender activism in San Francisco and Brooklyn. I invite Genderqueer Mabs take inspiration and direction from their pioneering work.
I wrote a post last year to the day, also advocating for a Femme Boy alternative.

Selling My Body: Part I

Posted: January 14, 2010 in Autogynephilia 2008

In an act of sheer desperation. I am selling my ass to buy youtube views. Since my cleavage not that spectacular. I am doing a cheescake video in my tights. I show my ass at its most spankable. Anything for art and commerce, right? I try to make my scandalous outfit seem functional by showing you the innate femininity of my sexy ass and thighs.
Category: People & Blogs

Sexy Corset and Tights @wickedground | Dec 2009

Dec 27, 2009
Alison put me in her corset at Wicked Grounds, the San Francisco coffee shop and took this shot. The Barrista said, "Hell, if you can’t play dress up here, where can you do it?" As always I find it interesting how much of the feminine body is produced by fashion which exaggerates curves in females and hides curves in males.
I have worn these leggings on many occasions but the high heeled boots produce a constructed female legs and butt. Notice also how baring the shoulders is a total female effect, as though males do not have bare shoulders.
Polly said
I actually like what you do with gender a lot, because despite being a gender atheist, I think it’s genuinely subversive. And the extent of that subversiveness can be judged by the ruffled feathers elsewhere.
You are too kind sweetie. I agree that what I am trying to do is subversive.

Burning Man Decompression | October 2008

I have re-published my photoblog pieces from October 2008. Click here for the set:…
October 2008 was the beginning of my artistic journey. I was wearing my first Urban Genderqueer outfit outside of Black Rock City. I grabbed my camera during Burning Man Decompression and started approaching strangers and asking for their pictures. I worked non-stop for five hours. I built rapport with hundreds of people, while presenting as genderqueer. I started this project of documenting the people I built rapport with, This has remained a major part of my work.
– I also got strangers to photograph me in my genderqueer outfits. In this case the strangers were documenting me and their rapport with me.
I was exploring gender in San Francisco, using both text and image. the photoblog posts contained in this set were all published on Flickr as well as <a href="; rel="nofollow"></a>

— I started midoctober, so these photos represent a period where I first started moving towards conscious use of feminine markers like color and tightness.
— I started writing and publishing descriptions of my street fashion photos. To begin with it was a way to make myself publish. I was using streetfashion sites like The Sartorialist as an intial model.
— This series of street fashion gave me ideas for color combinations. I started collecting cotton basics for women because they had had color and an elegant fit unlike the Men’s cotton which was colored in the palette of army fatigues. Escaping the drab colors and baggy fit of men’s clothing was like a liberation.
— The model for my fashion were the hip trans-masculine Female-Born that I saw at Screwup, the bdsm goup for transflok and genderqueers.
–I was spending a lot of time shopping in the thrift stores.
— I also started scrounging around Dolores Park and Hippie Hill in the Haight looking for interesting fashion to document.
— I was just starting my four month lesbian relationship with Anka. Anka was transitioning from anti-male dyke to straight girl. All she knew was relating to girls, she gave me space to be a girl and mentored me on and Women’s Homosocial Interaction and Lesbian Culture.
-I made new friends among the Barrista’s at the coffeeshop "On The Corner" they provided the social support network for my first steps towards public crossdressing. Rebecca and Emily at Venus Superstar also became friends and coached me on fashion and makeup.
– I had started bonding with Female-Born Femmes around makeup and clothing. I was exploring Femme Sociality, and found that it felt like coming home.